In this explosive tell-all memoir, an Olympic figure skater reveals her battle to survive mental illness, eating disorders, and the self-destructive voice inside that she calls “outofshapeworthlessloser.”

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When Gracie Gold stepped onto center stage (or ice, rather) as America’s sweetheart at the 2014 Sochi Olympics, she instantly became the face of America’s most beloved winter sport. Beautiful, blonde, Midwestern, and media-trained, she was suddenly being written up everywhere from The New Yorker to Teen Vogue to People and baking cookies with Taylor Swift.

Now Gold reveals the exclusive and harrowing story of her struggles in and out of the pressure-packed world of elite figure skating: the battles with her family, her coaches, the powers-that-be at her federation, and her deteriorating mental health.

Told with unflinching honesty and stirring defiance, Outofshapeworthlessloser is not only a forceful reckoning from a world-class athlete but also an intimate account of surviving as a young woman in a society that rewards appearances more than anything and demands perfection at all costs.